4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You End a Relationship | Paroles ...

Feb 6 2012

4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You End a Relationship

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2012.2.6

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After another endless fight, breaking up may feel like the only way out of this mess. MBT Scarpe?But here are a fewthings to consider before calling it quits.

1. Am I jumping to conclusions?

Molly Barrow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Matchlines for Singles, says that she often seeswomen who assume their unhappiness is entirely caused by their partner. If you?re convinced that yourspouse is the problem, and especially if you find yourself repeatedly and testily telling him all the reasonshe?s standing in the way of your damn joy, then Barrow recommends that you put your thoughts down onpaper.MBT? ?Slow the communication down to a crawl,? she says. This does not mean berating your husband orboyfriend for 22 pages. (We can?t stop you, of course, but if you do that, rip those suckers up and startagain.) The idea is that once you?ve stepped away from your typical fight, you can acknowledge your part inthe stress party happening at your house?stretched finances, pressure at work, feelings of depression, orexhaustion from juggling the needs of your children. The letter serves two purposes: It lets him know what?sactually upsetting you and clues you in too.

2. How big is the gap between my partner and me?

We all know that Prince Charming doesn?t exist. We tell ourselves our expectations are realistic. MBT Shoes?Still, thequestions we ask ourselves about our relationships (Is there still passion? Do I find him attractive? How canhe figure out how to keep food warm in a subzero parking lot for his after-hockey practice potluck but forgethis own child?s birthday?) are often too surface to matter, says Barrow. What she means is that the cracksthat occur over time because of an unsatisfying sexual relationship, lack of communication or contrasts inpersonality aren?t necessarily irreparable. Unlike obvious deal breakers?long-term goals that are out ofwhack, an inability for your partner to celebrate your success, substance abuse or unprotectedinfidelity?many of these issues can be addressed if both parties are willing to work,MBT Scarpe Prezzi? respect the other?sright to disagree and can be a teeny bit flexible.

3. Have I taken a floating holiday?by myself?

?You absolutely cannot change your partner,? MBT Italia? says Barrow, ?but just like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, ifGinger goes another direction, the dance looks different.? What she means is to try something unexpected.For instance, you might get ?a little divorced,? a phrase Rachel Zucker coined in The New York Times, byescaping from your family/partner for a few days. (Or go for a long walk if this isn?t possible.) A time-out,even a short one, will give you an opportunity to think about how you can make changes that will improvelife in your world. Reconnecting with friends,Scarpe MBT? limiting your commitments to your kids? school or taking a rock-climbing class at the gym could help you ease some of the tension in you and in your relationship.

4. How big will the ripple effect be?

We know some married women who fall into a ?grass is always greener and full of mojitos? daydream of LifeWithout Him. Maybe you?ve envisioned whole weekends when you can decide what to do and when to do it.You may have even thought about the downside of how your day-to-day might change: MBT Scarpe Outlet? Paying the billscould become more of a challenge, or getting to the gym for an hour after you?ve lost your built-in babysittermight not be possible. But have you ruthlessly considered post-spouse life? For one thing, your husbandmay want to take a more active role in decisions he previously left up to you, like playdates orextracurricular activities involving your children. For another, dating is not like it was when you were 25. Ifyou?re in your 30s (and beyond), do you imagine parties filled with a sea of smart, funny, charming fellas?You are not wrong. Except the men at these parties are often married, or encumbered with girlfriends (orboyfriends), or muddling through horrific divorces themselves. Barrow suggests you think about everyaspect of the daydream and compare it to what you have: a guy who knows, among other things, how tohot-wire a Crock-Pot to a car dashboard. Okay?that?s a little glib,MBT Prezzi? but the point is that it?s easy to tellourselves that we?ve really thought out this other fantasy life. And it?s supereasy to judge the imperfectionsin the person we?ve been with for ages. But it?s not fair to your spouse (or to you).

You may find that it takes months to answer these questions and to decide whether the relationship is worthsaving, not to mention months to actually save it.MBT Calzature But trying to salvage the relationship after you?ve alreadysevered ties, says Barrow, is next to impossible.

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